By: Palesa Matjebele
I use a taxi to work, there’s no fun in that! I’m always late, it’s just so frustrating. Firstly, there are no taxis and when you finally GET one, there’s a convoy! I just hate it all so much, I always wish I could just be the driver and press on that accelerator but I know very well that a wish is all that it will ever be. When I’m not sleeping myself through the long distance, I just distract myself from all the stress by reading all those newspaper titbits and all those adverts and billboards.
‘’Smile more,’’ ‘’ Be a friend to others,’’ ‘’Tell someone they did a good job,’’ these three phrases always catch my eye, I’m not evil and I totally agree with what is being communicated, I mean it doesn’t kill being good to others but sometimes we over do these things. With all these things being communicated every minute, everyday, they grow on us overtime and when they do, we overdo them to a point where we focus too much on being good to others, on treating others better, and we focus on loving them better. I feel like we lose ourselves trying to be there for everyone else. We are constantly giving and giving to everyone else but ourselves!
We forget that the same lady, the same guy on the mirror also needs all that. How many times do we hear the words ‘’Be good to yourself,’’ ‘’Tell yourself, you are good enough,’’ and how many times do you tell yourself, ‘’You can do it.’’ It just never really happen, we are too hard on ourselves. We never give ourselves any credit; instead, we would rather just tell ourselves that we could have done better! I don’t know, maybe it’s just the way we are raised, we are taught everything but to be good to others.
We are too hard on ourselves, we expect nothing less than 110% and anything less is just not good enough. With all this unnecessary pressure, we expect people to be kinder, understanding and easy on us! How are they going to be easy, kind and lenient when we are not; ever heard these words,’’ Dress how you want to be addressed!’’ It’s the same thing with this kindness that we expect from everyone else, people don’t know how to treat others, they learn how to treat us from how we treat ourselves.
I always thought by being nice on myself, I would grow a big head. I always felt like ‘’Uh! She doesn’t matter!’’ I’m such a caring person; I think it just comes natural, effortless. As I grew older, I started reflecting on myself, and I started questioning my values and what I thought was a caring nature. I thought maybe I was not really kind, if I was then what makes it difficult for me to unconditionally love and care for this one person, for Me!?
Every single day I still have to convince myself that I am worthy of the same attention I give to others, all the affection I show others, all the care and kindness I give to others and all the love I give to others; all this and more. I know a lot more other people can relate, it’s okay to admit that you have wronged this person, that you were difficult on this person and that you were horrible to this person. No justifications, because then you will be able to right your wrongs.
Another thing, what if the same person we tell they are just the same as us; they are very hard on themselves, like you and I, they just never give themselves a pat in the back for any good thing they accomplish!? Then all that would be useless, it would equal to nothing, it would just be pouring water on a rock, the water never sinks in. So for us to say we are building a better loving society, it has to start with every single one of us. I have to love myself, you have to love yourself, she should love herself and he also has to love himself so that we can all come together and love each other; this way it will be effective.